If It Kills Me
by lisbonandjanealways
Summary: Jane convinces Lisbon to dance with him at Grace and Rigsby's wedding, and the song catches Lisbon's attention. Based on "If It Kills Me" by Jason Mraz. Rated T, just to be safe. No copyright infringement intended.
1. Chapter 1

"Grace," Lisbon whispered, beaming. "You look absolutely beautiful."

Grace sniffed, trying not to cry. She grinned back at Lisbon. "Thank you." She glanced at the doors. "I don't know if I can do it."

"Of course you can!" Lisbon said encouragingly. "Grace, the man at the end of the aisle has loved you since he first met you. You can do this. You can." She took Grace's hand and squeezed it. "We all love you."

"Oh, God," Grace stressed. "I'm really getting married, aren't I?"

Lisbon grinned, a knot forming in her throat. "Yeah, Grace. You are." She was still holding her hand. "You can do this," she said again.

Grace nodded, trying to breathe in and out steadily. Her father came up behind her and took her arm in his, smiling warmly at her. "You ready, sweetie?"

Van Pelt looked up at him. "I- I think so."

"You are," Lisbon said for the hundredth time. When Grace looked at her, she grinned, attempting to reassure her.

"Okay," Grace replied, nodding again. The music began to play, and she took slow, steady breaths.

Somebody opened the doors, and Lisbon began walking down the aisle in her violet bridesmaid's dress and her lily bouquet. She was the only bridesmaid, therefore, she was the maid of honor, which made her a bit nervous. Speeches weren't her specialty, but she was doing this for Grace.

Jane and Cho were the groomsmen. Both were in tuxes, looking extremely uncomfortable. As Lisbon walked down the aisle, Cho gave her his rare half smile, and Jane flashed her his grin. Rigsby, the groom, beamed, looking just as nervous as Grace.

Teresa took her place on the bride's side, and the Wedding March began.

Grace, linked arms with her father, began walking toward Rigsby. Lisbon could see tears coming down her face, but she knew that they were tears of joy by the way she grinned at her fiancée.

All through the ceremony, Teresa stood behind Grace, holding both bouquets, smiling. She could see Cho and Jane standing behind Rigsby, both with small smiles as well. Cho was the best man. Lisbon knew that Rigsby didn't trust Jane enough to give a speech at his wedding.

When Jane's blue eyes met Lisbon's, he grinned his usual grin, and she almost laughed, but bit it back, for she figured it would be completely disrespectful, and quite embarrassing.

"I now pronounce you husband and wife," the reverend said. Grace and Wayne were holding hands, grinning at each other, happier than ever. "You may kiss the bride."

Rigsby leaned in and pressed his lips to Van Pelt's. Though, she was not Van Pelt anymore. Grace Rigsby. Wow.

Wayne and Grace walked up the aisle toward the doors, followed by Cho, who escorted Grace's mother out. Which left Jane, who smiled and held his arm out to Teresa. She linked her arm around his and they strolled to the doors.

The reception was held at a ballroom in the Blue Rose Hotel in the middle of town. It was a gorgeous wedding, and now, the night continued as a lovely reception, in Lisbon's point of view.

Grace and Wayne danced the first dance to a beautiful song that Grace had selected. Lisbon had to admit that she had no idea what the name was, but she _did_ like it very much. The couple twirled and swayed to the song in the middle of the dance floor, gazing into each other's eyes, smiling, stealing a kiss here and there. They looked so happy it almost made Teresa's eyes start to water as she watched them. She stood by a table on the wall, grinning. She loved, and envied, how they were both on Cloud 9. They had been so in love from the start, and she hated herself for threatening to come between them just because it broke the CBI rules. In her defense, it did. The rules had been broken. But Lisbon didn't even care anymore.

Hightower joined her by the table and followed Lisbon's gaze. She smiled. "They are happy, aren't they?"

Teresa nodded. "Absolutely."

Hightower sighed contently. "Teresa. I think you need someone."

"What do you mean, ma'am?" As if she didn't know.

"You need a love interest. Someone who makes your heart pound. Someone who makes you smile just at the sound of their name. Someone who loves you back." Hightower paused, and smiled. "Oh, Teresa. It's the best feeling in the world. When he looks at you, touches you, smiles at you… You get this feeling inside you, a feeling that is a total mystery to you. And you know that you're in love."

Teresa laughed. "Thank you, ma'am. But I don't need a man to make me happy. Honestly. I am absolutely, one hundred percent in love with my job."

Hightower scowled, not reassured. But she just shrugged, and turned to her little girl, who was tugging at the hem of her dress. "Mommy, mommy! Will you dance with me?"

_Aww. How sweet, _Teresa thought to herself, and she smiled warmly at the little girl as she glanced at Lisbon.

"Of course I will, sweetheart." Hightower bent over slightly to take her daughter's hand and the girl pulled her to the dance floor.

Teresa watched them go, smiling again. She couldn't help but admit that Hightower was right. She was alone, and had been waiting for the right man to come along that loved her the way she would love him.

"Hey, Lisbon," she heard someone say from behind her. She turned and saw Jane standing there, grinning his annoying, fake-innocent grin at her.

"Oh, God, Jane," she growled. "What did you do?"

"What do you mean?"

"Don't play dumb. Tell me what the hell you did."

He chuckled. "You need a little more faith in me." He grinned again.

"Jane, I know that face too well. You're up to something."

"You're right!" he said happily.

Lisbon just shook her head, not even bothering to question him. It wasn't worth it.

He sensed that she wasn't going to ask, and she knew that this disappointed him. She bit back a small smile, not wanting to satisfy him in any way. "Aren't you going to ask what I am up to?" Jane said teasingly.

Lisbon couldn't hold back the laugh that escaped. "Nope," she replied.

Jane smiled. "I'm going to make you dance with me."

Again, Lisbon laughed before she could stop herself. "No."

"Oh, come on!"

She shook her head. "No."

His smile faded. "Why not?"

"Because I know you. And it wouldn't end well."

This time, Jane chuckled. "Just one dance."

But Teresa was stubborn, and just shook her head again. Jane pouted, and stalked off, leaving Teresa smiling despite how guilty she felt.

The song ended, and Lisbon saw Jane making his way over to Grace in the middle of the dance floor. He smiled his million-dollar grin, asking Rigsby a question. Rigsby nodded, and stepped back, smiling at Grace, and Jane took Rigsby's place.

Lisbon watched Grace and Jane dance. They were talking, smiling, occasionally laughing. Lisbon saw Rigsby walking toward her, beaming. She grinned back, and he held out his hand. "May I have this dance?"

"You may." She put her hand in his and he led her through the crowd to the middle of the dance floor.

They swayed to the music. She told him congratulations on his wedding, and his new wife. She told him never to let her go. Cho, hearing this last comment as he walked by, paused briefly and added, "And Rigsby… if you break her heart, I'll shoot you," and had kept walking. This made Lisbon grin.

"I'll never let her go." Rigsby glanced at Grace lovingly. "Ever."

Lisbon almost slapped herself in the face, because as soon as Rigsby spoke the words, more tears came to her eyes, and she got this feeling in the pit of her stomach that made her uneasy. _Stupid_, she thought to herself. But she couldn't help it. She was just… so happy for them. And she was so incredibly guilty that she ever stood in their way of love.

Lisbon _did_ get a kick out of Jane's face when he saw the she was dancing with Rigsby.

Jane's expression was a mixture of confusion, disappointment, and almost… anger. Lisbon couldn't help but laugh, despite the dumb fact that she actually felt kind of bad that she said no to him, and yes to Rigsby. But she just didn't trust Jane as much as she trusted Rigsby.

When the song was over, Rigsby released Lisbon, smiling at her first before turning to search for his new wife. Teresa made her way to the side of the dance floor, watching couples twirl and children rush around. Little girls danced on their fathers' feet. Mothers lifted their sons off the ground and swayed to the music with them. It made Teresa smile.

"Please, Lisbon?" she heard Jane's voice behind her.

Lisbon sighed. "Why, Jane?" she asked, not even bothering to turn around.

He walked around her to come face-to-face with her. When he did, he was wearing one of his smiles. "Why _not_?"

"Because you will do something stupid," Lisbon replied simply.

Jane's face was instantly serious. He took a deep breath. "Teresa," he said, making her wince. Being called by her first name made her feel weird. Especially when Jane said it. "If you dance with me, I swear to you that I will not do anything that you don't like."

His face was so incredibly humorless, and his voice was too sincere… she actually found herself believing him. Damn.

The song that was playing ended, a new one was just beginning.

_Oh dear, _Lisbon thought. _Here goes nothing…_

"Fine," Lisbon finally responded.

Jane's face lit up, and he held out his hand for her to take. She couldn't help smiling, despite herself. She took his hand and he led her to the middle of the floor. Teresa wrapped her arms around his neck, and his snaked around her waist. She fought back the urge to shiver, because she just _knew_ that he'd mock her.

Teresa rested her head on his shoulder, listening to the lyrics of the current song.

_**All I really wanna do is love you…**_

Lisbon was surprised to hear Jane humming the same beat.

_**A kind much closer than friends use… **_

She smiled against his shoulder as she listened to him hum along to the song. A song that she had never heard before, but thought it was absolutely beautiful. She had to admit that she was surprised he hadn't tried anything to embarrass her.

_**But I still can't say it after all we've been through.**_

Teresa closed her eyes and listened to the melody of the acoustic song that was playing. It was a bit shocking that Jane knew this song. It didn't seem like the kind of music that he'd know. But she decided that she loved the song. And he seemed to like it… Wow. They actually had something in common.

_**And all I really want from you is to feel me…**_

Jane tightened his arms around Lisbon's waist, and she felt a little annoying _ZING _go through her system. For the love of God! It was Patrick Jane. _He shouldn't be making you feel like that! Good Lord, Teresa,_ she thought to herself.

_**As the feeling inside keeps building…**_

Lisbon thought about what Hightower said. _It's the best feeling in the world: When he looks at you, touches you, smiles at you… You get this feeling inside you, a feeling that is a total mystery to you. And you know that you're in love._

_**I will find a way to you if it kills me… if it kills me.**_

Oh, shit.

The awful realization struck her.

No. No! This could _not _be happening_!_

"I promised you I wouldn't do anything that you won't like," he whispered in her ear as they danced. "And I don't know if you'll like this. But I'm breaking the rules anyway to tell you that you look absolutely beautiful tonight."

That damn _ZING_ went through her again. Shit.

Lisbon looked up at Jane. His blue eyes were on her. His lips were curved up in a smile. She tried to smile back, but was a little dazed. There was no way in _hell _that she was _in love _with _Patrick Jane._

"Thank you," she replied softly.

"You're blushing." He chuckled.

Which, naturally, only made her face even more hot. And that led to him grinning. Again. "I am not," she lied.

"I love how easy it is to make you blush," Jane teased, completely ignoring her argument.

"I'm not blushing," she muttered. Who was she kidding?

Jane just smiled and shook his head in disagreement as the song ended. "Thank you for dancing with me," he said before kissing her hand and turning to walk away.

She really had to get out of here.


	2. Chapter 2

Teresa escaped as fast as she possibly could.

As soon as Jane let her go, she took off. She rushed out of the room and down one of the many hallways in the Blue Rose Hotel. She searched for a place to hide, to get away from everything and everyone. She needed to be alone. She needed time to think before she saw his face again. Because if she saw him, she might break down and confess every single thought that had run through her head while they were dancing.

She finally found a tiny little room with a few vending and ice machines on the second floor. She hurried into it, shutting the door behind her. The only down side of the quiet little space was that there wasn't a lot of room to pace, but she did her best.

She couldn't be in love with him. She couldn't! It was absolutely absurd. It was Patrick Jane! Her colleague, her friend… her pain-in-the-ass consultant. He annoyed the living hell out of her on a daily basis. Scratch that. An _hourly_ basis. And now, after one dance, everything was changed?

Was it because that song got to her head? Or had Hightower gotten to her head? Or had she fallen for him a while ago without knowing it?

Her favorite solution was that _she was not in love with Patrick Jane!_

Too bad all the signs were there.

"This is ridiculous," she said aloud. She actually laughed at herself. Here she was, at her friends' wedding, alone in a 12 square foot room with vending machines, worrying that she might be in love with _Jane_.

Ha. If Jane knew about this, he'd never let her live it down…

A sudden knock on the door made her jump.

"Lisbon?"

_Oh, no! Please, no…_

"Lisbon, are you in there?" It was Jane.

She sighed, and opened the door, ashamed.

The minute he saw her, he laughed. "What the hell are you doing in there?" But his smile faded. "And why are you so stressed out?"

"I'm not stressed," she lied.

Jane put both hands on either sides of her arms. "Lisbon," he began cautiously. "What's the matter?"

He looked her directly in the eyes, making her melt.

_You are pathetic_, she shot at herself.

"Lisbon," Jane said, never taking his eyes off hers. "You can tell me."

Oh, yeah. Right.

"You can tell me anything," he whispered.

For a moment, her eyes were completely lost at sea in his ocean-blue irises. They were so sincere and beautiful that she forgot for a second what she was so worried about.

Then she realized why she was staring into his eyes and remembered.

How did he _do _that?

"I can't tell you," Lisbon finally murmured.

Jane exhaled sharply and dropped his hands from her arms, frustrated. "You still don't trust me, do you?" He looked almost… depressed.

The accusation made her wince, and then she felt and overwhelming wave of sadness. "It's not that!" she said quickly. She looked down at the ground. "It's just…" she trailed off.

"It's just what?" Jane asked, exasperated.

_I think I might love you. _Yeah. Like she was really going to put it _that_ way.

She might as well tell him. If she didn't, he'd just read it all over her face. He was smart that way. Obviously.

So, she took a deep breath, and spoke. "While we were dancing…" she began, finally glancing up to meet his eyes. _So, so blue…_

Focus, Teresa.

"While we were dancing…" she tried again. "I felt… something…" she stammered. What did she have to do to get the words out? "Oh, God, Jane! Just _please _tell me you understand what I'm trying to say!" she cried.

She felt her face turn red hot as she studied his reaction carefully. He maintained an impressive, composed expression, but she knew that he understood what she was trying to say, and she instantly regretted saying anything.

Those damn tears burned her eyes again and she cursed them. They were so close to betraying her; threatening to spill.

"Jane…I-" She stopped, because she could hear her voice shake. She cleared her throat and tried again. "I just don't know," she admitted. Her voice was a little better, but not much. "I don't even understand it! But while we were dancing…" She just shook her head and let that one go. "All the signs are there. I don't _want _them to be, Jane. I really don't." To make matters worse, his face was still expressionless. She probably would have preferred him to freak out on her, turn away and leave. She just needed _some_ sort of feedback. But he wasn't speaking, and she hated awkward silences, so she just continued. "I truly don't know," she said again. "And I don't know how to find out."

She hadn't realized until now that the tears had brimmed over the edge and were now falling onto her cheeks. She cursed at them silently and just bowed her head.

Lisbon felt two hands on either side of her face. As soon as he touched her, her heart started pounding. He gently used his hands to raise her face so he could look her in the eyes. He had a sad smile, and his eyes were honest and understanding. Jane used his thumbs to wipe away her tears, and after he did so, he kissed her.

When their lips met, it was like a wave of electricity shot through her. His lips were softer than she imagined. His hands were still on the sides of her face, and she reached up to knot her own in his golden locks.

Even in this perfect moment, she couldn't help but wonder if this kiss was simply out of pity. She'd just poured her heart out, (quite awkwardly, she had to admit), but he had stayed silent. Had he kissed her to fill the gap in which he had not spoken?

She had to know.

So she broke the kiss, and backed away from his face ever so slightly, just enough to bring her eyes to meet his. But what she saw amazed her.

Jane might be a pain in the ass sometimes, but he did teach her and the team things that they never could have figured out on their own. Like the lesson about pupil dilation, for example.

And right now, Jane's pupils were dilated.

It answered every question she had, and she couldn't help but smile.

"Did that help?" Jane whispered.

At first, she wondered what he meant. But she soon realized that he was trying to help her decide if she was in love with him or not.

"Yes," she answered in a soft voice. "It did."

He waited, but, because he was Jane, became impatient. "And?"

She smiled slightly and whispered, "I love you."


	3. Epilogue

**Okay guys… this is it. Thanks so much for the great reviews. They make me smile ****J**

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

If It Kills Me

**SIX MONTHS LATER**

"Patrick," Teresa snapped impatiently. "Where are we going?"

But he just grinned.

She sighed, exasperated.

He had told her that they were going out for a nice dinner. He'd told her to dress nice. She had followed instructions. But now… they were not at a restaurant. They were in the middle of the woods.

Patrick held her hand, leading her deeper and deeper into the trees. She followed, irritated and confused.

He finally stopped, and turned to face her. "Okay," he began. He seemed nervous.

"What?" she asked.

"Well, first, I need to explain something to you."

"Alright…"

A smile slowly crept across his face. "A few weeks ago, I had a dream about you and I." He paused, then revised. "That isn't so unusual, because you're in my dreams every night." His smile widened, and Teresa blushed, despite herself. Jane went on. "But the dream I had a few weeks ago… it took place in the trees, just like where we are now."

Lisbon waited, and when he didn't continue, she sighed again. "What happened in the dream, Patrick?"

His grin got even bigger, if possible, and that made Teresa a little nervous.

"Let me show you," he whispered.

"What-" Lisbon began, but as soon as she understood what he was doing, her heart completely stopped.

Patrick Jane got down on one knee.

"Oh my God," she murmured.

Jane reached out and took Teresa's hand. By now, her heart had started again and was pounding in her ears.The love of her life took his other hand and reached into his jacket pocket, and pulled out a small, black satin box.

Teresa's breath caught in her throat. She thought she might pass out right then and there.

Patrick opened the box, and there, in the satin, was the most beautiful ring Teresa had ever seen in her entire life.

"Teresa Lisbon," Patrick said. He looked just as nervous as she felt. "I promise to love you every single second of eternity." He paused. She assumed it was for dramatic effect, but she just found it cruel. He was trying to build up suspense.

"Will you marry me?" he finally finished.

An overwhelming wave of joy and love and happiness flooded through her. She laughed a careless laugh, let a tear slip from her eye, and threw her arms around Patrick Jane.

"Yes," she whispered into his ear.

He laughed, sounding almost… relieved. "I love you." Then, he kissed her on the lips with as much passion to last a lifetime.

Oh, wait. He _was _going to last her lifetime.


End file.
